Tonight I took the respite teen group to the park. I've been in charge of this group since my co-worker left in June. Respite means they have an individualized education plan at school usually due to having an intellectual disability or behavioral problem. I took them to the park last week, our first field trip. I felt relatively uncomfortable because these guys are ages 14-22, some very big, and there were so many young kids on the playground that people were definitely weirded out by these huge guys getting too excited on the swings. So today, for a change of pace, we went to a different park even though I didn't really want to take them out again because I'm generally unmotivated at work lately. And I had a blast! However, it made me both happy and sad...
Happy because...the young kids that were there didn't judge my teens at all. Ashlee (who came to the park with us) and my co-worker started a game of football with some of my special needs teens and a bunch of younger neighborhood kids and everyone had so much fun! All of these younger kids started hanging out with us and we found out they knew some of the kids Ashlee and I work with. Also, I saw one of the refugee girls I taught in April and her English has already gotten so much better (and I remembered her name!).
Sad because...the American kids we were hanging out with had wandered over by themselves or were with very young mothers who had no interest in actually watching their kids, but just gossiping with their friends. This one young girl was only 4 and had come over with her 11 year old neighbor wearing no shoes and extremely dirty. These kids were all there just taking care of themselves and watching each other at a very young age. It was obvious no one cared and even though they may have been troublemakers at school or in other situations (2 boys were playing with pretty real looking fake guns), they were all so sweet to us and the teens I came with and it was so obvious they all just needed attention. I know there are so many kids all over the country in the same position or worse. I don't really know what to say about this, but overall it was a good time.
Other than that story, just wanted to say I leave Syracuse 2 weeks from tomorrow and 1 week from tomorrow is my last day of work. I can't believe how short an amount of time that is. Although I'm extremely excited to go back home and for everything I'll be doing next year, I'm starting to get really sad at the thought of never living in the northside of Syracuse ever again. Driving my kids/teens home everyday, I see so many people I know, I really feel like I'm home here. I know this small area of Syracuse so well and I love so many of the people in it. I love shouting hi out the window to so many people that I pass by in my 5 minute drive to work. As I said to my community tonight, even if I live again in an area where I know people, I don't think it'll ever be a place that feels so much like a real neighborhood like this. I won't be able to drive down the street and literally know half the people I drive by. I'm really going to miss this...
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Coming to a Close
Hi all...
Quick update since I know I've been slacking and, amazingly, my year here is almost over!
Everything is pretty much the same old deal around here. I have only 4 weeks of work left. School's out for summer here in 'cuse (who thought the last day of elementary after-school program would ever actually come??) and our summer program starts July 6. The last couple weeks and the upcoming one have been and will continue to be time for crazy amounts of planning in order to pull off a 6 week summer program (that my JV co-worker and I leave halfway through) for over 100 kids and about 30 summer staff members without a hitch! Okay, so, it won't be hitch-less, but if it can happen with as little chaos as possible, we'll consider it a job well done! Lately, I've just been so overwhelmed at work because my to-do list seems never-ending and this makes it impossible for me to focus on one project at a time because I'm always getting distracted. I think we've been pretty good at delegating many tasks out to our summer AmeriCorps staff members who will be the actual ESL classroom teachers (in the morning) and group leaders (in the afternoon). It's been a strange and interesting experience to be the boss of other people at a place where I still occasionally feel like a newcomer (especially when it comes to summer program, as we've never experienced it either). I don't necessarily think I'm great at being in charge of other staff, but I guess I've done an okay job. Also, I was finally van-tested and can drive our 12 and 15 passenger vans! They're surprisingly not that scary (especially considering I got my license almost exactly a year ago), although I definitely avoid having to back up or park in them. I'm extremely excited because if we get everything done early, planning- and organization-wise, for summer program, then I'll be getting some time off this week. I already have Friday off for 4th of July observed and I'm pretty much definitely not working Thursday and probably only a half day Wednesday :) Mike will be coming for what will most likely be his last visit to me here in the 'cuse sometime mid-week to enjoy my time off with me!
I have very mixed feelings about my leaving Syracuse in just 5 short weeks. I'm saddened most about leaving the people. I feel like I've become a part of Syracuse, especially the Northside, and I've met so many great people. It will be so hard to leave my community members, co-workers, new friends, and, definitely the hardest goodbye, the kids and teens I work with everyday. I am extremely saddened at the thought of never knowing what will happen to them or who they will become. I want so much for each of them to be happy and successful in their lives and I wish I could somehow stay in touch with them forever. On the other hand, I am excited most about returning to other people who also mean so much to me - my family, friends, boyfriend, and co-workers. I am torn between these two groups of people, but, ultimately, I know I will keep in touch with the people who really matter to me and I am excited to move on to the next step in my life (I'd say these are the exact same sentiments I felt when finishing up at Fairfield as well).
I'd say that's everything of note that I wanted to share. Feel free to contact me if you want to catch up more!
Quick update since I know I've been slacking and, amazingly, my year here is almost over!
Everything is pretty much the same old deal around here. I have only 4 weeks of work left. School's out for summer here in 'cuse (who thought the last day of elementary after-school program would ever actually come??) and our summer program starts July 6. The last couple weeks and the upcoming one have been and will continue to be time for crazy amounts of planning in order to pull off a 6 week summer program (that my JV co-worker and I leave halfway through) for over 100 kids and about 30 summer staff members without a hitch! Okay, so, it won't be hitch-less, but if it can happen with as little chaos as possible, we'll consider it a job well done! Lately, I've just been so overwhelmed at work because my to-do list seems never-ending and this makes it impossible for me to focus on one project at a time because I'm always getting distracted. I think we've been pretty good at delegating many tasks out to our summer AmeriCorps staff members who will be the actual ESL classroom teachers (in the morning) and group leaders (in the afternoon). It's been a strange and interesting experience to be the boss of other people at a place where I still occasionally feel like a newcomer (especially when it comes to summer program, as we've never experienced it either). I don't necessarily think I'm great at being in charge of other staff, but I guess I've done an okay job. Also, I was finally van-tested and can drive our 12 and 15 passenger vans! They're surprisingly not that scary (especially considering I got my license almost exactly a year ago), although I definitely avoid having to back up or park in them. I'm extremely excited because if we get everything done early, planning- and organization-wise, for summer program, then I'll be getting some time off this week. I already have Friday off for 4th of July observed and I'm pretty much definitely not working Thursday and probably only a half day Wednesday :) Mike will be coming for what will most likely be his last visit to me here in the 'cuse sometime mid-week to enjoy my time off with me!
I have very mixed feelings about my leaving Syracuse in just 5 short weeks. I'm saddened most about leaving the people. I feel like I've become a part of Syracuse, especially the Northside, and I've met so many great people. It will be so hard to leave my community members, co-workers, new friends, and, definitely the hardest goodbye, the kids and teens I work with everyday. I am extremely saddened at the thought of never knowing what will happen to them or who they will become. I want so much for each of them to be happy and successful in their lives and I wish I could somehow stay in touch with them forever. On the other hand, I am excited most about returning to other people who also mean so much to me - my family, friends, boyfriend, and co-workers. I am torn between these two groups of people, but, ultimately, I know I will keep in touch with the people who really matter to me and I am excited to move on to the next step in my life (I'd say these are the exact same sentiments I felt when finishing up at Fairfield as well).
I'd say that's everything of note that I wanted to share. Feel free to contact me if you want to catch up more!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Yes, I'm still alive...in case you were wondering :)
So I totally dropped the ball on this blog and I apologize for that...
I'll try to be brief and give a few random things I wanted to talk about...
First, since I last wrote a few major events occurred:
1) I travelled to Wales & England in March to visit my sister who's studying abroad. I had an amazing time though it was somewhat surreal to go away during this year of "simple living." Wales was beautiful and London was interesting as well - see Facebook for pics. It feels like ages ago that I went there but feel free to ask if you'd like more details.
2) More importantly, I got into Southern CT University for the Masters in Social Work program to start in the fall. I'm extremely excited to start that b/c I really think this is the field I want to be in and the classes sound so interesting to me! I'll be living at home, which isn't super exciting, but I'll just keep telling myself I'm saving money and hopefully that'll make it okay... I'm also going to be insanely busy, especially compared to this year - I will be taking 5 classes, doing 18 hrs/week at my field work placement site, and hopefully finding at least 1 actual source of income (most likely the YMCA and/or tutoring kids from my elementary school and/or graduate assistantship position at Southern). It'll be difficult to adjust to at first I'm sure, but I'm also kind of excited to have such a full schedule to keep myself busy (and out of the house! haha). My friend Andrea from high school/elementary school also happens to be starting the same program with me so that'll be awesome to know someone in the program and have someone to hang out with and whatnot. Mike (my boyfriend) also got a new apartment in April only about 15 mins from my house so that'll be nice to be so close too (especially with my new busy schedule). All in all, I'm very excited about next year!
I gotta start updating more so you don't have to read a book every time I actually get around to it...I'll do by best, but no guarantees. Feel free to drop me a line if I haven't heard from you in awhile!
Random note of interest: Check out the Doodle 4 Google competition finalists at http://www.google.com/doodle4google/vote.html#tab4. Basically, kids of all ages from all over the U.S. drew their wish for the world and I found it pretty inspiring because all of them ages 5 to 18 had beautiful dreams for the world. It was great to see that even at age 5 there are kids who already understand what is really important in life. They reminded me why I love working with kids - because they're not afraid to say what all us "adults" are thinking but are too afraid to say because we fear our visions and dreams are impossible to achieve. They're only up until 5/18 I believe so check it out if you have time! Sometimes I wish all people could see life through the eyes of a child...I wonder what the world would be like...
I'll try to be brief and give a few random things I wanted to talk about...
First, since I last wrote a few major events occurred:
1) I travelled to Wales & England in March to visit my sister who's studying abroad. I had an amazing time though it was somewhat surreal to go away during this year of "simple living." Wales was beautiful and London was interesting as well - see Facebook for pics. It feels like ages ago that I went there but feel free to ask if you'd like more details.
2) More importantly, I got into Southern CT University for the Masters in Social Work program to start in the fall. I'm extremely excited to start that b/c I really think this is the field I want to be in and the classes sound so interesting to me! I'll be living at home, which isn't super exciting, but I'll just keep telling myself I'm saving money and hopefully that'll make it okay... I'm also going to be insanely busy, especially compared to this year - I will be taking 5 classes, doing 18 hrs/week at my field work placement site, and hopefully finding at least 1 actual source of income (most likely the YMCA and/or tutoring kids from my elementary school and/or graduate assistantship position at Southern). It'll be difficult to adjust to at first I'm sure, but I'm also kind of excited to have such a full schedule to keep myself busy (and out of the house! haha). My friend Andrea from high school/elementary school also happens to be starting the same program with me so that'll be awesome to know someone in the program and have someone to hang out with and whatnot. Mike (my boyfriend) also got a new apartment in April only about 15 mins from my house so that'll be nice to be so close too (especially with my new busy schedule). All in all, I'm very excited about next year!
As far as life in Syracuse goes, I'd say late winter/early spring was a tough time around here probably b/c we were all just sick of winter and a little depressed by it as well. I'd definitely say everyone's mood seemed to brighten as the weather got gradually more and more beautiful. I love springtime and I think this spring was even better than others b/c this winter was so much longer/worse haha...so there's always a positive to the negative :)
At this point, community has been a little tense at times, but I think that's to be expected as we all now know where we'll be next year and it's hard to focus on our commitments here when we have so much to plan and be excited about for next year. We had a meeting to re-focus ourselves last night and I hope that things will be better now. This is also a difficult period at work b/c it's the point in the year where we've just fallen into the daily routine and it just seems like a chore most days to come up with yet another new art project, cooking project, reading activity, etc... As I may have mentioned at some other point in the year, even though I enjoy spending time with the kids, sometimes I find it difficult to note any real progress in the type of work I am doing. I think this is definitely a downside of my job. However, if I consider the relationships I have built with the kids, the greater ability I have to control a group of 12-14 wily 5 and 6 year olds (by myself most days now that our college volunteers have left), my comfort level with a bunch of inner-city, extremely loud, African refugee teens, and the lessons I have learned about inner-city kids/teens and refugee kids/teens, particularly from the northside of Syracuse, I definitely can see growth, especially within myself. So I guess that's the upside! Even though I still have 2.5 months left here, I have to say, even though I may not necessarily miss my job when I leave, I'll definitely miss my kids and teens! But anyways, my point in writing this was that I had a meeting with my boss about summer program last week and it has really lifted me up a bit at work b/c it has given me a new energy to begin plans for a whole new part of my job just when I was getting really sick of the same old routine and feeling like I had nothing meaningful to do during the days. I'm really excited for the change that July will bring at work, but I need to be careful not to wish May and June away!
I'll leave you with a story or two...
On Sunday, I finally had my first experience of spending time in one of the refugee family's homes. My housemate John was invited by a Bhutanese/Nepali couple he's worked with to lunch and tea at their home. He brought Matt and I along and we had an amazing time! I knew the kids in the family [families really, b/c their relatives kept coming down from the upstairs apartments] so that was nice to see them in their own homes with their families. They made us a very delicious meal that we thoroughly enjoyed and then we just spent time with them talking about their history in Bhutan & Nepal and all kinds of other questions they were more than willing to answer for us. I'd say a good time was definitely had by everyone involved.
However, after that, I went straight to the CYO to meet with a few of my Burundian teen boys to try to help them prepare for summer job interviews with CNY Works, an employment initiative that includes a summer youth employment program. Sadly, after waiting for an hour for them to show up, I gave up and went home, my good mood from the previous part of the day ruined. I took it as a pretty bad sign that they couldn't even meet me to go over things but yet they wanted the responsibility and privilege of a summer job. After thinking it over for awhile though, I just realized I need to remember to be patient. It seems that the message may have gotten mixed up and that's why they never showed. Either way, I need to remember that if I don't help them with these things, no one else might. This is the first time they've ever applied for jobs so I need to be understanding when they don't take it as seriously as I, a college-educated middle class American with 2 college-educated & full-time job-holding parents, would. In the end at least 3 of the 4 made it to the interviews and hopefully they went well enough that they'll be given some type of job. The thing is they don't need or want anything glamorous (most of them chose the cleaning/maintenance and food service options on the application). They just desperately need the experience and responsibility of having their own job - and seeing what it feels like to make some money of their own won't hurt either - hopefully that will motivate them to continue to work hard in the future. Their English isn't the greatest, but it's pretty decent, so I'm hoping they can get jobs, for their confidences' sake.
I gotta start updating more so you don't have to read a book every time I actually get around to it...I'll do by best, but no guarantees. Feel free to drop me a line if I haven't heard from you in awhile!
Random note of interest: Check out the Doodle 4 Google competition finalists at http://www.google.com/doodle4google/vote.html#tab4. Basically, kids of all ages from all over the U.S. drew their wish for the world and I found it pretty inspiring because all of them ages 5 to 18 had beautiful dreams for the world. It was great to see that even at age 5 there are kids who already understand what is really important in life. They reminded me why I love working with kids - because they're not afraid to say what all us "adults" are thinking but are too afraid to say because we fear our visions and dreams are impossible to achieve. They're only up until 5/18 I believe so check it out if you have time! Sometimes I wish all people could see life through the eyes of a child...I wonder what the world would be like...
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Quick Update?
So I'm going for quick here but considering it's been a month and a half, who knows...but really, it has to be quick. Because I'm tired. Because I have mono :( Yes, mono. Who knows where it came from or how I got it, but I've had it for a few weeks and it has sucked as much as people say it does. Thankfully, I was able to take time off from work and work shorter days and so I'm finally getting better I think. Which is good because I'm headed to Boston this coming weekend to meet up with a whole lot of Fairfielders and the following weekend I leave for WALES to visit my sister who's studying abroad! So I didn't really have a choice but to get better, as you can see.
Other than that, things have been pretty normal. This past week was school break for the kids so we did some special activities including 2 sledding field trips, one of which I went on. I'll have to post pictures soon - the kids were in heaven! (They were all Burundian refugees who have been sledding before but I doubt very often, at least on a hill this big with real sleds haha.) However, in the mornings the CYO ran a mini refugee academy like we did in October. It was for refugee kids ages 5-18 who just came to US to help them see what school is like and practice basic ESL, etc. to prepare them to start school. I only taught Wed-Fri but of course I was given the 5-7 year old group, and they were crazy! I had 11-13 kids each day and NONE of them spoke ANY English!! (The group consisted of 3 Iraqis, 2 Burundians, 3 Burmese, 3 Somalis, 1 Sudanese and 1 Bhutanese...so they couldn't communicate with each other for the most part either!) And Friday I wasn't even given a volunteer...it was just me and them! Needless to say, we didn't accomplish much. I think most of them can answer What is your name? (I can't take credit for that though..I think they learned that on Mon or Tues.) But that's about it. And they can sing the ABC's a thousand times in a row and count to 20. We learned colors, shapes, body parts (head, shoulders, knees and toes, anyone?) and how to cut and glue haha. But I think all they retained was ABC's and numbers and one kid thought everything was an apple (b/c A is for apple so he knew that word) and every letter was an A. But whatever, their teachers will teach them, right? And one day I had to put that same kid in time-out because he kept hitting kids when they wanted to use his toys and he wouldn't listen to me for the rest of the day to show me how upset he was (b/c obviously he had no idea why I held him in a chair for a whole minute b/c he doesn't speak any English...ugh). But of course it's another one of my once in a lifetime experiences I can add to my list here...b/c when else will I have the chance to lead a classroom of 13 non-English speaking 5-7 year olds?
I haven't seen my teens in over 2 weeks b/c I either cancelled program or someone else ran it for me while I've been taking time off. I hope they don't hate me or think I hate them or stop showing up because they're upset with me haha. We'll find out on Tuesday.
Final news before bed...I may have already written this in here, can't remember. I applied to the Master's in Social Work program at Southern Connecticut State University for the fall. I decided that social work is really what I want to do. I had always considered it before, but after working with all these crazy challenging kids this year, I've noticed more and more that they desperately need one-on-one help and attention and I desperately wish I could give it to them, but as a group leader I can't. This is what ultimately pushed my decision away from teaching and officially to social work. I'm really excited about deciding on something I want to do finally and I really do think this is the path for me. But I don't find out for awhile if I got in. And if I didn't, I'll just find some position that will give me more experience before applying again next year. Either way, I'll almost definitely be living back at home, which isn' t too exciting, but it's free so whatever.
That's all for now...hopefully I'll get back to updating regularly. Sorry to anyone who's been wondering what happened to me...
Other than that, things have been pretty normal. This past week was school break for the kids so we did some special activities including 2 sledding field trips, one of which I went on. I'll have to post pictures soon - the kids were in heaven! (They were all Burundian refugees who have been sledding before but I doubt very often, at least on a hill this big with real sleds haha.) However, in the mornings the CYO ran a mini refugee academy like we did in October. It was for refugee kids ages 5-18 who just came to US to help them see what school is like and practice basic ESL, etc. to prepare them to start school. I only taught Wed-Fri but of course I was given the 5-7 year old group, and they were crazy! I had 11-13 kids each day and NONE of them spoke ANY English!! (The group consisted of 3 Iraqis, 2 Burundians, 3 Burmese, 3 Somalis, 1 Sudanese and 1 Bhutanese...so they couldn't communicate with each other for the most part either!) And Friday I wasn't even given a volunteer...it was just me and them! Needless to say, we didn't accomplish much. I think most of them can answer What is your name? (I can't take credit for that though..I think they learned that on Mon or Tues.) But that's about it. And they can sing the ABC's a thousand times in a row and count to 20. We learned colors, shapes, body parts (head, shoulders, knees and toes, anyone?) and how to cut and glue haha. But I think all they retained was ABC's and numbers and one kid thought everything was an apple (b/c A is for apple so he knew that word) and every letter was an A. But whatever, their teachers will teach them, right? And one day I had to put that same kid in time-out because he kept hitting kids when they wanted to use his toys and he wouldn't listen to me for the rest of the day to show me how upset he was (b/c obviously he had no idea why I held him in a chair for a whole minute b/c he doesn't speak any English...ugh). But of course it's another one of my once in a lifetime experiences I can add to my list here...b/c when else will I have the chance to lead a classroom of 13 non-English speaking 5-7 year olds?
I haven't seen my teens in over 2 weeks b/c I either cancelled program or someone else ran it for me while I've been taking time off. I hope they don't hate me or think I hate them or stop showing up because they're upset with me haha. We'll find out on Tuesday.
Final news before bed...I may have already written this in here, can't remember. I applied to the Master's in Social Work program at Southern Connecticut State University for the fall. I decided that social work is really what I want to do. I had always considered it before, but after working with all these crazy challenging kids this year, I've noticed more and more that they desperately need one-on-one help and attention and I desperately wish I could give it to them, but as a group leader I can't. This is what ultimately pushed my decision away from teaching and officially to social work. I'm really excited about deciding on something I want to do finally and I really do think this is the path for me. But I don't find out for awhile if I got in. And if I didn't, I'll just find some position that will give me more experience before applying again next year. Either way, I'll almost definitely be living back at home, which isn' t too exciting, but it's free so whatever.
That's all for now...hopefully I'll get back to updating regularly. Sorry to anyone who's been wondering what happened to me...
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
A Whole Lot of Stuff Rolled into One Entry
So it's been way too long but that's because December was insanely busy...but I guess that's the case for everyone. I have so much to write about but it's late and I need to do some grad school research so I'm gonna try to be extremely brief to the point of possibly confusing people because of lack of detail...which I probably won't be successful at but oh well, here goes...
So December was fun (I took various pics but haven't had the chance to put them up yet). Our community went to NYC together to do Christmas-y type stuff and meet up with some alums, stole lunch trays from my ministry site to go sledding, had quite a few snow days (minus the not having to work part), exchanged amusing secret santa gifts, decorated our house complete with christmas tree and outdoor lights that we've been too lazy to take down so far, took a ridiculous christmas picture and sent christmas cards, attended a fancy high-class christmas party with lots of well-to-do folks (including the former mayor of syracuse and his wife whom we befriended for the night) at one of our benefactor's homes, drove through the lights on the lake display, played in the snow after drinking, and of course watched classic christmas movies. At work we threw 2 christmas parties, wrapped millions of gifts, attended another christmas party with kids, made tons of christmas art projects and every type of gingerbread cooking project you can think of, picked up and delivered many vans' worth of donated gifts to families, and had a christmas party during the nor'easter that closed down the rest of catholic charities (our head organization) except for our site (to which at least 15 kids showed up...surprise surprise), which all made for a very busy month (both at work and at home). (I'd say that was all pretty concise considering I just summarized a very busy month in a paragraph haha.)
I also found out in December that my supervisors decided to have us rotate groups starting in Jan, putting me with the 5 and 6 year olds, which I was originally unsure if I was happy about, but am now okay with. The negatives are that I already know my kids and not these others besides their names (and that even though they can be impossible I have a special place for them in my heart), that I can't do any complicated art projects or games with this younger group, and that the youngest group is hard to reason with when it comes to discipline because it's harder for them to associate actions with consequences. The positives are that I can do cheesy art projects/stories/games and I might finally not consistently get the responses of "this is stupid", "this is boring", or "i'm not doing that;" and that these kids are young enough that they might not have completely learned yet that it's cool to completely disregard everything adults tell you to do. Today was my first day with them and so far I'll say that I like them. I was shocked to find there are still kids at the CYO that actually do things the first time you ask them haha. I might like these little rascals after all... I was getting pretty burned out before Christmas and was pretty much just looking forward to going home because the kids would just misbehave all the time and I was quickly running out of ideas for controlling them and even reasons to care if they were under control anymore.
This meant that I thoroughly enjoyed my whole 2 weeks at home far away from the stress and frustrations of work, but also that I was not looking forward to coming back to work at all because I was away so long. Break was great...pretty much just relaxed and got to see my family and Mike alot and even a few friends from home and Fairfield. I got back to Syracuse on Friday and we had our re-orientation retreat from Saturday to Monday just outside Syracuse at the place we went for our first retreat. It was great being out in a beautiful landscape and being able to walk down to the Green Lakes which this time were surrounded by a snowy winter wonderland (I'll put up pics soon). Retreat was definitely a good way to get me a little more excited about work at least and to ease my way into being back here. (Friday night we also got to chill with Lara, one of the Costa Rica volunteers who is from Syracuse, and got to hear all about their time in C.R. so far, which was awesome!)
As I said, today was my first day back at work and the afternoon with the new group went pretty well overall. However, my night was a totally different story...probably my worst experience at work so far. It started with the teen girls walking into the CYO shouting and cursing at each other which quickly escalated into a physical fight during which I had to physically pull girls away from each other, continued with all of my teens doing every rude thing you can imagine (including listening to headphones, watching dvd players, playing connect 4, talking, laughing, walking around, turning their back, and leaving the building) while a 24 year old African refugee tried to talk to them about preparing for/going to college, and ended with a huge altercation outside the CYO between 2 girls and a guy that turned physical and was broken up multiple times and ended only when I actually followed through on my threat to call the police because I didn't know how else to stop them. By the time all of this ended, I was discouraged to say the least. I was upset by the girls fighting at the beginning because I've never had a fight between girls so far. I was upset by their behavior during the speaker because it proved to me that they really don't give a crap about anything and probably won't go far in life because of it (and because the level of their rudeness was downright apalling and embarassing). Also, it upset me because I don't think I can get much closer to their level than a 24 year old African refugee...and my supervisors expect me to bring in speakers about other topics that they are probably even less interested in and who are probably middle aged and white (stupid APPS grant...I really don't know how I'm ever going to find something that falls under that grant that they actually enjoy...). Finally, I was upset by the last fight because their anger and violence towards each other was shocking because it comes so easy to them...and I don't even know what started it! It made me cry. I just don't know what to do with them anymore...I thought I was doing enough by being there for them twice a week but I don't think it has any effect on most of them. They're still headed so far in the wrong direction that I think it's too late to change them. I need to do a whole lot of thinking about all of this. (On a positive note, I love living in community because I came home in a horrible mood and between Ashlee's prayer about hope and fun conversation with the rest of the housemates, I felt much better only an hour or 2 later.)
In other news, even though for the past few months I was pretty set on the fact that I would probably apply for grad school for elementary education for next year, over break I started to reconsider the idea of school social work/psychology and now I need to do my research to find out what those jobs actually entail because I think they are much more what I would like to do with my life (for many reasons I don't feel like discussing now b/c I've written too much tonight). Who knows though...I'll let you know what I decide when I actually start applying. Though this entry was relatively concise (for me and considering how much I had to say), it's gotten very long, but I hope you've made it this far. Thanks for reading and hopefully I'll update again on all this stuff again soon. Hope all is well with you!
So December was fun (I took various pics but haven't had the chance to put them up yet). Our community went to NYC together to do Christmas-y type stuff and meet up with some alums, stole lunch trays from my ministry site to go sledding, had quite a few snow days (minus the not having to work part), exchanged amusing secret santa gifts, decorated our house complete with christmas tree and outdoor lights that we've been too lazy to take down so far, took a ridiculous christmas picture and sent christmas cards, attended a fancy high-class christmas party with lots of well-to-do folks (including the former mayor of syracuse and his wife whom we befriended for the night) at one of our benefactor's homes, drove through the lights on the lake display, played in the snow after drinking, and of course watched classic christmas movies. At work we threw 2 christmas parties, wrapped millions of gifts, attended another christmas party with kids, made tons of christmas art projects and every type of gingerbread cooking project you can think of, picked up and delivered many vans' worth of donated gifts to families, and had a christmas party during the nor'easter that closed down the rest of catholic charities (our head organization) except for our site (to which at least 15 kids showed up...surprise surprise), which all made for a very busy month (both at work and at home). (I'd say that was all pretty concise considering I just summarized a very busy month in a paragraph haha.)
I also found out in December that my supervisors decided to have us rotate groups starting in Jan, putting me with the 5 and 6 year olds, which I was originally unsure if I was happy about, but am now okay with. The negatives are that I already know my kids and not these others besides their names (and that even though they can be impossible I have a special place for them in my heart), that I can't do any complicated art projects or games with this younger group, and that the youngest group is hard to reason with when it comes to discipline because it's harder for them to associate actions with consequences. The positives are that I can do cheesy art projects/stories/games and I might finally not consistently get the responses of "this is stupid", "this is boring", or "i'm not doing that;" and that these kids are young enough that they might not have completely learned yet that it's cool to completely disregard everything adults tell you to do. Today was my first day with them and so far I'll say that I like them. I was shocked to find there are still kids at the CYO that actually do things the first time you ask them haha. I might like these little rascals after all... I was getting pretty burned out before Christmas and was pretty much just looking forward to going home because the kids would just misbehave all the time and I was quickly running out of ideas for controlling them and even reasons to care if they were under control anymore.
This meant that I thoroughly enjoyed my whole 2 weeks at home far away from the stress and frustrations of work, but also that I was not looking forward to coming back to work at all because I was away so long. Break was great...pretty much just relaxed and got to see my family and Mike alot and even a few friends from home and Fairfield. I got back to Syracuse on Friday and we had our re-orientation retreat from Saturday to Monday just outside Syracuse at the place we went for our first retreat. It was great being out in a beautiful landscape and being able to walk down to the Green Lakes which this time were surrounded by a snowy winter wonderland (I'll put up pics soon). Retreat was definitely a good way to get me a little more excited about work at least and to ease my way into being back here. (Friday night we also got to chill with Lara, one of the Costa Rica volunteers who is from Syracuse, and got to hear all about their time in C.R. so far, which was awesome!)
As I said, today was my first day back at work and the afternoon with the new group went pretty well overall. However, my night was a totally different story...probably my worst experience at work so far. It started with the teen girls walking into the CYO shouting and cursing at each other which quickly escalated into a physical fight during which I had to physically pull girls away from each other, continued with all of my teens doing every rude thing you can imagine (including listening to headphones, watching dvd players, playing connect 4, talking, laughing, walking around, turning their back, and leaving the building) while a 24 year old African refugee tried to talk to them about preparing for/going to college, and ended with a huge altercation outside the CYO between 2 girls and a guy that turned physical and was broken up multiple times and ended only when I actually followed through on my threat to call the police because I didn't know how else to stop them. By the time all of this ended, I was discouraged to say the least. I was upset by the girls fighting at the beginning because I've never had a fight between girls so far. I was upset by their behavior during the speaker because it proved to me that they really don't give a crap about anything and probably won't go far in life because of it (and because the level of their rudeness was downright apalling and embarassing). Also, it upset me because I don't think I can get much closer to their level than a 24 year old African refugee...and my supervisors expect me to bring in speakers about other topics that they are probably even less interested in and who are probably middle aged and white (stupid APPS grant...I really don't know how I'm ever going to find something that falls under that grant that they actually enjoy...). Finally, I was upset by the last fight because their anger and violence towards each other was shocking because it comes so easy to them...and I don't even know what started it! It made me cry. I just don't know what to do with them anymore...I thought I was doing enough by being there for them twice a week but I don't think it has any effect on most of them. They're still headed so far in the wrong direction that I think it's too late to change them. I need to do a whole lot of thinking about all of this. (On a positive note, I love living in community because I came home in a horrible mood and between Ashlee's prayer about hope and fun conversation with the rest of the housemates, I felt much better only an hour or 2 later.)
In other news, even though for the past few months I was pretty set on the fact that I would probably apply for grad school for elementary education for next year, over break I started to reconsider the idea of school social work/psychology and now I need to do my research to find out what those jobs actually entail because I think they are much more what I would like to do with my life (for many reasons I don't feel like discussing now b/c I've written too much tonight). Who knows though...I'll let you know what I decide when I actually start applying. Though this entry was relatively concise (for me and considering how much I had to say), it's gotten very long, but I hope you've made it this far. Thanks for reading and hopefully I'll update again on all this stuff again soon. Hope all is well with you!
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